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Take Your Life To A 10


May 31, 2009   by Tammie K. Ross


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Sometimes, we are so busy we forget that we need to take care of our best asset — ourselves!

What does this translate into? Stress!

Stress can creep up on us so quickly. Before you know it, you’re wondering why your chest is hurting and your hair is falling out. Of course, stress looks different to each individual. Some may find their workload is too much, or they have too many hats to wear, or a personal relationship is causing them sadness. Although we would like to think we can keep our business and personal lives separate, this is never the case.

How does stress affect your life? Take this little test: On a scale of 1 (low) to 10 (highest), indicate how satisfied you are today with each of the following eight areas of your life:

1) Career

2) Money

3) Health

4) Friends and family

5) Fun and recreation

6) Significant other/romance

7) Personal growth and spirituality

8) Physical environment (home/office)

What did you learn? How balanced are you?

If you’re like the majority of us, you may find you’re neglecting a few of these areas in your life. However, now seeing it in black and white, you’ll have to do something about.

Let’s start with this tricky one: money. This area is causing a lot of concern right now for many people considering our economic downturn. I can say in all of the clients I have coached, there has only been one woman who has indicated she was happy with the amount of money she had. Although this was quite inspiring, for the rest of my clients, money causes a lot of stress.

Let’s peel back this onion a bit further. What amount of money would it take to make you happy? Go ahead and put a dollar figure to it. Now ask yourself, “What’s holding me back from getting this amount of money?” What came up for you? Not enough time, not enough education, too many family obligations? How about fear?

Fear can run our lives.

Some common fears that have to do with the accumulation of money include fear of failure, fear of rejection, and fear of success. Yes, believe it or not, you might actually be sabotaging your career because you don’t really believe you deserve to be wealthy.

How do you know if you are one of those people who fears success? Your inner dialogue will look like this:

1. Money is evil

2. Who are you to think that you can “have it all”

3. Money always comes at a price

4. Money doesn’t grow on trees

5. And my favourite: I’ll be a different person if I have too much money.

Bull pucky. I will guarantee that you will just be more of what you already are!

Another area that can be very unsatisfying is a significant other/romance. How did this one score?

For some people not having someone in their life is a huge source of stress. What they want most of all is to have someone to hold their hand, be a shoulder to lean on and to have some fun salsa dancing.

Let’s peal back that onion again. What do you think is the number one fear that prevents people from finding a person to love? Did you guess the fear of rejection? Some people are so afraid of being judged it stops them in their tracks when they see a potential partner. Are you one of these people?

Here a few comments that you might recognize from your inner gremlin if you suffer from this fear:

1. She would never date a man like me

2. I don’t have enough money in my bank account

3. I’m too fat

4. He would never want a woman who has children. Did one of these hit the spot?

It’s incredible how much we allow our fears to hold us back. Let’s see what this gremlin might have to say about some of the other areas of our lives:

• Career: I’m not smart enough to go for that promotion

• Health: If I lose weight, I’ll have to buy all new clothes (you’d think this would be an incentive but you can’t imagine for how many women this holds them back)

• Physical Environment: I don’t deserve to have the home of my dreams

• Fun and Recreation: I have no time for fun in my life

• Personal Growth: If I begin to grow, my husband will no longer understand me and will leave me. You get the idea.

So, what do you do now that you’ve realized you may be holding yourself back with your inner dialogue? Let’s do a bit more digging:

1. For each of the eight sections of your life mentioned at the beginning of this article, write out the story that you are making up that is preventing you from getting the life you want. A trick for this is to listen to that inner gremlin that begins chirping in your ear when you even begin to think that you can get to a 10.

2. Now, take those stories and apply Byron Katie’s “The Work” to each one. For each story you have come up with, answer the following four questions:

• Is it true?

• Can you absolutely know it’s true?

• How do you react — what happens, when you believe that thought?

• Who would you be without the thought?

What did you learn as you applied these questions to your story? Did it become just that: only a story you can laugh at and discard?

Imagine how much freer your life would be if you could get rid of your make-believe stories.

I’d like to leave you with one of the most inspirational messages I have ever read. I hope it inspires you to carry on with your soul searching so you can get the life you desire and deserve!

Our Deepest Fear, Marianne Williamson

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Remember: Life is too short — make the most of it!

Tammie K. Ross is the president of Impact Coaching Solutions. She also works for the non-profit organization she founded, Women Together, and sits on the board of directors for the Women’s Community House and LEADS Employment London.

As a treat for readers, Tammie has agreed to give a free half-hour session to anyone who calls stating they read this article.


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